Music Monday is a meme that was created by Drew from The Tattooed Book Geek. You pick a song and/or video and share it on Monday.
Thoughts and other ramblings
This past couple of weeks weren’t the best for me mentally. Not because of the shit that’s going on, though that does not help. I’ve been working from home for a while now, so that wasn’t much of a change. What made me struggle was the feeling of absolute disconnection, the lack of conversation – I like chatting on social media, but I usually prefer private conversations. Every once in a while I hit rock bottom with my brain tormenting me with the feeling of being utterly alone and ignored. I KNOW I have friends, but these episodes usually hit when most people are asleep/busy with life and family and I just feel like I can’t turn to anyone, because you can’t just slide into someone’s DMs like “Oh hey, I’m lonely, wanna chat?”. I don’t want to be that annoying person I used to be, so I just bottle it all up. (I’ve been told I was annoying, so I swear I’m not making this up.)
Add to this my tendency of comparing myself to others and that does knock my self-esteem down. The lack of reaction/interest to some of the things I did/posted recently just added to the fire, making me question myself. Strangely what helps in these times if I keep away from social media. I avoided it as much as I could over the weekend – sponsored by my internet provider as my connection is shit for some reason or other – and I actually started to feel better. Although I could kill for a full night’s sleep and my headache to go away finally. I don’t remember when was the last time I didn’t wake up/had disturbing dreams. It definitely does not help to keep myself sane.
All that being said, I’ve been listening to Connection by OneRepublic a few times this weekend, and it pretty much nails my feelings. I’m trying to find a connection to myself, to others to get over my loneliness and get back my self-esteem to a normal level. Normal for me, anyway.
Lyrics
Seven billion swimmers, man I’m going through the motions
Sent up a flare, I need love and devotion
Traded for some faces that I never know, notion
Maybe I should try to find the old me
Take me to the places and the people that know me
Trying to just connect, thinking maybe you could show me
If there’s so many people here, then why am I so lonely?Can I get a connection?
Can I get, can I get a connection?
Can I get a connection?
Can I get, can I get a connection?Real friends, good friends hard to find, let’s face it
Buy the perfect home and there’s a flood in the basement
Made a couple dollars now and I ain’t tryna chase it
Kids from Oklahoma, man we don’t waste it
I’m just tryna paint the picture for me
Something I can give a damn about at maybe 40
Years and I’ll be ready and willing and able to edit the story
Cause there’s so many people here to be so damn lonely
Can I get a connection?
Can I get, can I get a connection?
Can I get a connection?
Can I get, can I get a connection?
I can see it in my, see it in my reflection
Oh, can I get a connection?
Can I get, can I get a connection?
Lonely
Right now, right now, I’m switching to a new lane
Foot to the floor, man searching for the real thing
Need somebody else, sometimes ain’t no shame
Head to the clouds sayin’
It’s like can I get a connection?
Can I get, can I get a connection?
Can I get a connection?
Can I get, can I get a connection?
I can see it in my, see it in my reflection
Oh, can I get a connection?
Can I get, can I get a connection?
Tryna find my old me!
Lonely
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