A Week in My Head: Entry 3

A Week in My Head is some kind of journal of all the things that went on in my head the past week. Be it succes, struggle or just some random ramblings. I know it doesn’t replace professional counselling, but this is my kind of therapy – talking it out of myself in this way. Join me if you want and feel free to share your experiences. I’m sure we can learn from each other and A Week in My Head will be a less lonely time.

In case you missed any of the previous entries, you can find them on the A Week in My Head page!

 

I’ve been thinking a lot what to talk about this week – having a pretty rough one I had quite a few options. And I will touch on those, but ultimately I’m just sick and tired of feeling down and battling with anxiety, insecurity, feeling worthless both as a person and as a blogger, so I’ll rather focus on things that I did (or tried to do) to balance the shit stuff during the week.

Generally, I want this post to be more focused on positive things rather than dwell in the negative ones. And I can do that because I’m a person who needs to talks things out RIGHT AT THAT MOMENT, so I spent a lot of time this week talking some of my friends’ ears off to the point where even I got bored of my whining. My point being: I have awesome people in my life who put up with my shit and I love them for it. It’s not always easy to reach out to people with your problems – especially if you have a constantly ongoing battle – or not to feel like you burden them, so I only do this with a couple of people I trust or know enough that I can unload on them (which is funny, because one of the people I talked a lot this week is someone I barely know, but we’ve been on the same page ever since we stumbled on each other on Twitter a couple of months ago). I’d like to do less frequently than I do it now, but that’s also something I need to work on this year. Possibly with taking up counselling. Which I keep saying I’ll do for a year now. Fucking first steps.

Before things started to go down, on Monday I was still full of energy – well as much as I could be with 4,5 hours of sleep that is – and decided to start doing some research in order to get ready to write my next short story which will be inspired by Hungarian folk tales and the little we know about our mythology. I failed at getting writing into my schedule this week, but I’m hoping to get on with it next week, provided I’ll be in the right frame of mind *fingers crossed*.

I think the real low point of the week was in Wednesday.  So much so, that I even had to switch books… My mood was already generally low due bad sleeping. And then things kept piling on with events I didn’t see coming that pissed me off to no end and which got solved in the end, kinda, but I’m still not happy with the solutions. Not that I can do anything except trudging on and do my own thing and trust in my instincts and decisions I made. Then hope it’ll all work out in the end. Anyway, it was clear at that point that I needed to get away from social media and my room, so I went to buy a calendar for my desk. Which I did buy and a couple of other things besides which I didn’t plan but were sooooo cute that I couldn’t resist. Yes, I’m obsessed with pandas, shut up.

Also, I’m simple and things like this can cheer me up. Sue me. Also, if you ever want to cheer me up, you know what to do 😀

Things started to look up from there on. I got the first results of THE THING I’m organising for the 2nd anniversary which made me pretty excited. I can’t wait to show it off to the world when March comes. Sorry for all the vague hints, I promise it’ll be great, but so far only a handful of people are in the know and I’d like to keep it that way. But rest assured, IT’LL BE AWESOME!

And while we talk about looking forward, a friend of mine and her husband are coming to visit Budapest in April and we were planning that so that was also fun. I might as well go on a little vacation afterward so that’s gonna be a nice week I’m looking forward to.

One thing I really looked forward this week was my favourite Hungarian band’s concert on Saturday. The last time I went to a concert was in the summer and it’s been a while since I saw them, so I was totally ready to rock out and get my frustrations out. As it happens, of course on the day all of my excitement was nowhere to be found and all I wanted to do was stay in bed and pretend I don’t exist. Not that it would have helped, but you know. Eventually I dragged my ass out of bed, washed my hair and got ready to go out. Now, I don’t know about you, but as I get older, I prefer the shows ending at 10 pm not starting… But what can you do when the main band has 2 guest bands? I was lucky to find a place near the stage and not many people around me so I could see everything. Toward the end I got surrounded by people so much that I had to step a line back. Being a short person can suck when it comes to crowds. I swear it gives me clausthrophobic feels. But besides that it was a pretty good show, but I didn’t expect anything less from them. There is no better feeling than singing along your favourite songs, dancing and jumping without a care in the world. I definitely needed that even if today I’ve no voice and everything hurts, lol.

Despite the shit hitting the fan a few times this week and my mood being quite low, looking back, I think I can say that I had plenty of good stuff going on too. But it’s hard to remember the goods when your mind is on the negative things. So, if nothing else, this post (and my bullet journal where I keep tab of things so I won’t forget) definitely did help to put things into perspective.

What good things did happen to you this week you are grateful for?

In case you missed any of the previous entries, you can find them on the A Week in My Head page!

 

10 thoughts on “A Week in My Head: Entry 3

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  1. I say keep talking to your friends too. That is how friendships grow, because us friends get to whinge back on occasion and then we both know ’tis ok. 🙂
    Plus, feeling better afterwards rocks. Yay for pandas. I admit to being more partial to the red kind, but I can understand your affection for the black and white fluff balls anyway. *g*

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m afraid you are stuck with me now. #sorrynotsorry But yes, it’s important that things go both ways. 🙂
      I’ve been in love with those big goofs ever since I’ve got my first plush panda as a kid. They are just freaking adorable. Until you piss them off, because then they’ll bite your head off.

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  2. Friends are great, I agree. And music. I have a few happy songs that pretty much always put me in a good mood. So, going to see a band you like is a great way to cheer yourself up. And otherwise, try to find something positive about the day. Even the suckiest day has something positive. Found a good parking place. Guy at the supermarket was nice to you. Or you were nice to them, and it made you feel good about yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Journaling like this can be so helpful for perspective. Negative thoughts can be like a merry-go-round where you keep coming back to the same spot and starting over. Writing them out helps to see that there aren’t as many road blocks as you thought, or they aren’t as insurmountable as they seem in your head. Sending hugs your way ♥

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! I always used writing to get rid of my negative thoughts and sorting out my emotions. Writing always came more easily when I was down… I tried having a dairy a few times, but that always failed as I got bored. So far I’m liking how this online journal goes. Admittedly, I only had 3 posts, but the topics already have a wide range. I thing the good thing about this is that I can write whatever I want to write about. I wondered how these posts will be taken as this is supposed to be a book blog and these posts aren’t really about books, but so far it seems like people appreciate this kind of content. Or at least they didn’t ditch me for it 😀 Thanks for the hugs ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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